Anxious Nervous or Anxious Excited?

If you're familiar with my title, It's because it's a reference to a line from the movie, The Parent Trap. It's when the mom asked Lindsay Lohan if her dad was dreading to see her or looking forward to it. And I think this title fits this blog post.

Today marks a new milestone in the road to getting the M.D. attached to my name. Finally, I leave the four corners of my classroom and get thrown into the pit, the actual hospital setting. Why? For today is my first day as a medical clerk or junior intern.

As some of you may know, Jr. Internship or Medical Clerkship is the last year of medical school before you graduate. And as a Jr. Intern, I now belong at the bottom of the medical food chain.

I'm kinda scared of screwing up since I will be dealing with real patients now. There are so many "what if's" that are running through my mind. Like, what if I give the patient a wrong medicine? What if I diagnose the patient wrong? Or worst, what if someone dies under my watch? Of course, there will be residents and consultants who will be supervising us to make sure those would not happen. But still, I can't help but worry.

Medical clerkship is also exciting. Afterall, I've been waiting for this since the day that I decided that I wanted to become a doctor. It's exciting because finally, I get to practice what I've been taught throughout all the years I've been in med school. And everything that I've been reading in those thick medical books, I'll get see in the actual setting now. It's like I'm almost a doctor but not quite there yet, you know what I mean? This thought makes me giddy.

So what am more? Anxious nervous or anxious excited? Well, I am really looking forward to this new learning experience and as Lindsay Lohan answered in the film, "Anxious excited, definitely!"

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